Little Bunny Foo-Foo

     So, first of all the “Good” Fairy only gave me one chance. You hear me? ONE chance. I don’t know where they get off talking about having three chances. Look at me. (he pauses) I’m a goon. I wasn’t born this way… NO ONE is born this way and if you are to listen to that lie straight out of the bowels of hell…that song… (he sings) Little bunny foo-foo, hopping through the forest (he stops abruptly) Do you really think I would have kept bopping field mice on the head after being given three warnings that this (he points at himself) was going to happen?? Also, it wasn’t mice… it was one mouse and he had it coming. Also, my name isn’t even Foo-Foo. Do I look like a frikkin foo-foo to you? (he points at an audience member) Oh yeah? Mr. Funny guy? Keep rattling on like that and I’ll shove a carrot so far up your butt you’ll be using it for a toothpick. (back to the story) The name is Fu. That’s right, just Fu and as you probably already know, I used to be a rabbit…and my real parents were eaten by an owl when I was a baby and I was adopted by this Chinese rabbit who had been let go by her former owner. She had been…they call it “fixed” right? And she couldn’t have babies… (breaking the fourth wall again) Yeah, Laugh it up… a rabbit who couldn’t have babies… anyway she named me Fu…which in Mandarin means “Fortune” because that’s what I was to her. So it’s not Foo-foo… and I only bopped…well more like jack-slapped… ONE mouse, and I only got one chance and the “Good Fairy” is a worthless heap. That song blows, and it’s all a lie. Yes. They’ve made my entire life a lie.